It scares me to know that it is possible that I will never be cured of these god damn chronic migraines and the fatigue that has plagued me for too long. The doctors haven’t been able to do much so far, and I have seen too many of them already. Sometimes the symptoms go away just long enough to lure me into believing that I am healthy again. Somethines I only have partial symptoms. But it’s always the same. I always get sick again. It doesn’t matter what they inject me with, how many pills they give me, or what diet they put me on. The migraines always come back. I feel like shit far too often. And no one can help me.
When I leave school I get tired of telling everyone I have a migraine. It seems like people don’t even believe me half the time. So I lie to the school and say I have a doctor’s appointment. Sometimes I even tell my friends I have a doctors appointment or I just feel like going home because I’m tired of telling everyone about my migraines. I don’t like everyone to know how vulnerable I am. And I don’t want anyone’s looks of pitty or doubt.
I feel like a useless piece of shit half the tme lying in bed trying to make the pounding in my head stop. And I try to sleep until I feel rested…. to no avail.
And my poor Mom. She isn’t well herself and every day she worries about me. I try to stay strong for her, but sometimes I can’t.
Since I can’t control my own body, I end up focussing on things I can control. But I end up not being able to control those things either. Like Prom for instance.
I feel helpless, and I absolutely hate that feeling.
Maybe I’m being dramatic, but very few people actually know what I’ve gone through this past year. I know some people have it worse. I have no doubt about it. But I also know that I am young and life shouldn’t be like this for me or anyone else for that matter.
Too many people take for granted their healthy bodies. I guess you never know what you had until you’ve lost it.
